Relax into the Ride

     About a month ago, I had the pleasure of riding on the back of a motorcycle. (Yes, God's infinite wisdom kept me from even thinking I could actually ride solo!) The thought of a woman on the back of a motorcycle may conjure certain images or even memories for you but for me, this was a stand-alone event which would affect me in ways I never imagined.  First, it was a delight to be invited to literally 'come along for the ride' on that beautiful cool Saturday morning.  Errands are often more easily accomplished without any additional ballast to slow you down so, this was a chance to tag along and enjoy watching someone else complete his list of things to do. Second, I had not been on the back of a bike in such a long time, the pounding in my heart, throat and ears came not from excitement, but from fear. I had seen many motorcycle accidents on New Jersey's many highways. I had attended a funeral for a young man who lost his life to a horrific motorcycle accident.  Oh God! Not today, please! I just want to take this ride, be cute while riding and not walk funny when I swing my leg over the back of this bike when we finally reach our destination. I want to cross over to the other side someday, but not today!  Third, I had nothing to do that would serve as a legitimate excuse for saying no...so I accepted the invitation and proceeded to dress in layers so that the joy of the ride would not be lost to the bite of the wind!
     I pulled my fleece jacket over my head and smoothed my locs down as if to magically make them less voluminous.  I pulled that heavy black helmet onto my head and thought for a moment that the weight of it might break my neck before I could even get on the bike.  I prayed that the helmet would fit over all of my hair and it did and then I prayed that it would do its more important job of keeping me safe in the event of an accident. (It didn't have to!)  I forgot all about that plastic shield that would guard my eyes, nose, and mouth from wind, debris and bugs and I slathered on an extra coating of my Clinique superbalm moisturizing gloss to ward off any wind induced chapping.  I had to be prepared for that hair shampoo commercial moment when we would stop and I would remove the helmet, toss my lovely shoulder-blade length locs and smile for the camera. (Still waiting...)  Having done all of that vain and unnecessary prep work, I heard the roar of the engine and turned my head to see the bike slightly dip in my direction as I would imagine that a mighty steed would with Prince Charming holding the reins. I accepted the invitation and paused for a moment when I saw the small portion of padded black leather that had been set aside for me. (That's all the seat I get? Hmm, this should be interesting!)  I put my hand on Prince Charming's shoulder and hoisted my right leg over the slim back tire and quickly found the foot rests that had been let out for me and I found a comfortable posture for riding.  Finally, we would leave the parking lot!

     Now, some of you may imagine or know that one of the perks of riding on the back of a bike is that you have the opportunity to lean in close to the driver because you really like the person or you think that this will provide some additional safety and stability.  At first, I thought that I would be clinging and clutching for dear life for the entire ride...not as a romantic gesture, but purely for health and safety reasons.  As we crested the small hill that leads out of the complex and onto the road, a strange thought crept into my helmet-clad head. Suddenly, I thought, "Don't Cling." Clinging is the act of holding on to something with an incredibly tight grip. Clinging is firmly rooted in fear.  If I hold tight enough, maybe I can keep _______________ (him, her, it, my balance...fill in the blank).  Clinging also carries a connotation of possessiveness.  It involves a tight grip which may be rooted in entitlement. My inclination to cling to my very strong, capable and experienced driver revealed my sense of entitlement to safety, not romance - safety!  I must have forgotten that the laws of physics have few loopholes, if any, and clinging does not grant one immunity to those rules. If we were going to take a spill, clinging would not have saved my life or kept us out of harm's way.
     At that very moment, I realized that I was clinging and with only one city block behind us and a four lane highway ahead of us, I let go...but just a little bit! My mind went back to my meditation practice and I remember thinking, "Just relax into the ride."  What I initially thought would make the ride more precarious actually made it more enjoyable. I felt myself settling into my own small section of that leather seat and enjoying the sound of rushing wind muted by my hundred-pound helmet. I was abandoning all inclinations to cling to my driver and I was free to rest my hands on his waist or his legs instead of looking like I had assumed the position for the Heimlich maneuver.  As we rode along the highway, I felt free enough to look around and peek over his shoulder at the speedometer and  I marveled at the very idea that as we leaned into turns at relatively high speeds, I could just relax without fear of falling off of the bike.  This was a great ride and a wonderful lesson.
    What began as a fun Saturday afternoon activity turned into a life lesson for me.  I have learned that on the back of a bike and in this life, I will enjoy the ride much more if and when I am able to relax into the ride and find myself supported by what I cannot see.  Sometimes, it is good to just come along for the ride and let something bigger and more capable than you handle the complicated details of transportation.  How odd it seems to be more secure, more stable, more rooted, after loosening my grip.  How counter-intuitive it seems and yet how wonderfully it works.  What are you clinging to? What things, people, situations have strangle marks from the tight grip of your fingers? Test the theory and loosen your grip and see what happens.  I have learned not only to let go of things but also to watch my hands to make sure I don't accidentally choke the life out of someone or something in my life.  Relax into the ride...you'll enjoy it so much more. In this case, you're going to have to lose your grip in order to really get a grip!
   

The Art of the Blessing

      Blessings are on my mind today. Actually, blessings are on my mind most days but there are different kinds of blessings aren't there? There are the material or tangible blessings and then there are the blessings that we bestow with our words and deeds.  When I worked at a Christian school with a student body of approximately 40 students, we would have weekly chapel services and I would always begin with an invocation and end with a benediction. I explained that the benediction was the final good word. I wanted them to know that there was always a good word spoken for and over them and in their hearing. I can remember the importance of blessings in my early religious training in the Black Baptist Church. We never dismissed from Sunday School or choir rehearsal without some words of blessing or benediction being spoken.  The words did not have to be uttered by one with a degree from seminary. All one needed was the knowledge of these words, "May the Lord watch between me and thee while we're absent one from another. Amen."  It was that simple. Upon saying or hearing those words, we all knew that a blessing had been offered. We had been commended into the care of the Almighty with a promise of coming together again.   

     I am of the opinion that words have power. We can use our words to cause harm and pain or we can use our words to bring peace and healing.  We may take lightly the words, "Thank you! Have a nice day!" when we hear them at the end of an exchange of funds for services, but in effect, that is a blessing.  Saying good morning to loved ones upon rising and saying good night before drifting off to sleep is a form of blessing. I do not need to don my clergy collar to bestow a blessing upon my daughter as she goes off to school.  A simple, "Bye honey! Have a good day!" will do.  This strikes me today because I recently let a loved one leave my presence with words that were far from a wish for God's blessings.  (I do not want to linger on the subject of cursing but please note that there is a big difference between saying Good bye, God Bless, I love you, and "Don't let the doorknob hit you where the Good Lord split you!" Can you tell which is the blessing?)  I can and did pray that God's blessings will follow my loved one, but there is a different power in conferring that blessing from my mouth to my loved one's ear.  I have seen the anguish of far too many mourners who reflect on the last words that they uttered before losing the beloved one.  In the midst of our greatest hurts and pains, can we find a simple way to always give our blessing? I say yes. It can be a simple as whispering, Adios (Spanish for 'To God'), Adieu (French for 'To God'), or "Vaya con Dios" (Go with God) in place of the ever popular "Go to Hell!"  If your loved one asked you for a blessing and bowed her head before you, would you invoke the evils of the world upon her? Of course not.  You would ask the Almighty for the good and perfect gifts that have been promised.  Even when you don't want that someone to leave, remember to send him or her off with a word of blessing because you never know if their departure or their return will come back to you as a blessing!

     When I think of words of blessing, I think of the words of the 23rd Psalm where the Psalmist speaks of God's blessings.  "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over" (Psalm 23:5 KJV).  As I read that, I see the oil coursing down on my own head and I think of the consistency of oil. I think of the slow moving, viscous oil clinging to my head and it makes me think of the words that stick to me in the same way. An oil blessing of "I love you" will cling to my mind and strengthen me in the midst of my day.  An oil blessing of "Thank you" clings to me and reminds me to not only give but to receive graciously.  An oil blessing of "God Bless you" clings to me and carries me beyond the borders of self-reliance. An oil blessing of "I'm proud of you" grips me and encourages me to always do my best work. An oil blessing also allows the words of cursing to slide right down my back. Hurl your best insults and curses at me because my head has been annointed with the oil of blessing. Those words cannot cling to me because of the protection of my oil blessings! What words of oil blessing can you bestow upon someone today? Draw upon the Source for the words when you have none. I have included this clip of Lalah Hathaway singing "Don't Forget to Remember (where your blessings come from)."  When my well of words for blessing runs dry, I remember where my words of blessing come from and I can offer blessings from my cup which is always in a state of overflow.



I will leave you with this Irish blessing....until next time, shalom!
"May God give you...For every storm a rainbow, for every tear a smile, for every care a promise and a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share, for every sigh a sweet song and an answer for each prayer."