A Clearing

Like bedbugs
Some things are just too hard
   to get rid of
      effectively
That is to say
They embed themselves
In your spirit
And require a clearing

A clearing of the mind
To rid plaguing thoughts
That invade like guerrilla soldiers
Taking over - destroying,
   making meals and sport of
   the healthy ones
    as they wage war within the host
    who unwittingly invited them in
   
A clearing of the body
To remove residual dross
Left after love's fire
Has burned out
And the coals are white
        with cold


A clearing of the heart
To release the grip
Of memories now tainted
And promises unkept

And so we burn the sage
We call on ancestors
We clear the space
Letting the healing smoke
   carry off the ghosts
   who haunt the night
    and stalk the day
   and breed and bite
   like bedbugs

ReverendSister's Ink (c) 2013

Jaha's (late) birthday poem

I found myself writing a poem for you for your birthday 

But then I ate it and it tasted like candy 

But today is not a rainy day yet I thought of you anyway 

Cotton candy made me think of Nikki Giovanni 

which brought me back to poetry 

which brought me full circle back to you 

Full circle of course made me think 

of the circle of life and 

our circles of friendships that intersected 

and brought us together 

circles also made me think of 

those small things that we swallow 

that make us feel better 

make the warm fuzzies have sharp edges 

and make the clouds dissipate 

And then I thought how much 

I love you 

for your courage 

your bravery 

your honesty 

your love 

all over the page 

all over the canvas

all over my life 

and so I thanked God for you 

as I sang happy birthday to you 

and ate the poem

that I began writing

you know,

 I think it had onions and peppers in it 

but surely that dollop of 

sweet

honey

mustard

was the clue

and I knew

it was for you!

Happy Birthday!

Reverendsister's Ink ©2013

we...(for the silent ones)

We are lost in our self awareness 

We know we're needy and scary

We don't mean to be

As a matter of fact

We don't want to be

And so we search for a love

Who won't make us explain

Again

Why we clean so rigorously

Or why we appear to languish

When what is true is the anguish

But we are not the norm

We are not happy enough

We are too heavy for your lifting

But we don't mean to be

And so we retreat

Into the arms of danger

To find security

If only for a moment

Then shame claims us

Like lost untagged luggage

Dizzy from too much time 

On a carousel to nowhere

No, thank you

I don't need meclizine

Or antivert

I needed to be seen

Protected

Re-membered

Things I Wish People Understood

Things I wish people understood:

1- Teaching is not just recycling last year's lesson for this year's students. Every day, technology puts students in a position to be light years ahead of the Dick and Jane primers that school districts are struggling to afford. Teaching is an Olympic event and requires cutting edge techniques and constant self-assessment and training just to stay one class period ahead of today's students. (Whether they have had breakfast, free lunch, life coaches or private tutors is irrelevant. These jokers are not the ones you studied about in grad school.  They are not Miss Crabtree's students and your one room school house and multiple choice (i.e. easy to grade) tests are not going to suffice.)

2- Teaching includes time for preparation and time for grading...the students' work and your own. I'm not a great teacher because I use great slide presentations. I am a great teacher because I listen to my students and do not assume that I know more about their learning than they do. I prepare like it all depends on me and then pray because it all really depends on God.

3- I am ordained clergy. This means that I will never be afforded the luxury of being a "pew member" of anybody's church. Yes, I graduated from seminary, but no, I do not want to be a pastor. Why? I am not called to be a pastor. We don't just jump up and show God our resume and treat God like a placement agency! God is the Agent who makes "the call" and tells us where we are to go. I am a teacher and a good administrator. Trust me, you don't want me to have the final say on things in a church. You want someone who has a pastor's heart. Would you want a Doctor who was trained in medical school but was better with charting than with diagnosing and caring for you? Right. Me neither. So, don't look at me like I'm crazy when I attempt to explain to you that not all are called to pastor. Some of us are called to other things. This also means that I am held to a higher standard...so my decisions about what church I will "choose" to join is not ever REALLY my decision at all. It is an active choice to hear what God is saying to me about what I am called to do and where I am called to do it. Joining "my mama's church" is not a luxury I have anymore. So, don't push or pull on us when we are trying to hear from God. Just pray with us so that we might....oh,  I don't know...Hear from God!

3a- A call to preach is NOT synonymous with a call to pastor. All pastors preach to their congregations as God gives utterance but all preachers are not called to care for the flock. Some preachers are given a word to plant in due season and the pastor then cultivates the congregation to be good soil and produce good fruit from the preacher who just came by to share a word from The Lord. (I'm not talking about hucksters, I am talking about real preachers. No shade, just a distinction.) Some excellent preachers would make terrible pastors and some pastors are not the best preachers. If you find yourself in a church where they are one and the same...you ought to stop reading this post and whisper a "Thank You, Lord" prayer...RIGHT NOW!!

4- Incarceration in unemployment is not the same as "me time", "time off", "down time", "play time" or any other designation that implies that this is fun and relaxing. I can't share all of the details of money management but I can tell you that there is more behind the scenes than you can imagine. What you spent on lunch last week is what I "earned" on unemployment because of a technicality with my filing. There is no "appeal process" or "person to speak to" and by the time you find it, it's too late. So, cherish your job, no matter how much you dislike it today. This thing right here...is complicated. (To clarify: I am not whining about collecting unemployment, I am merely pointing out that it is complicated and many people forget that I'm not just working from home because I chose this life and I'm secretly independently wealthy and capable of making ends meet. I just don't always share the actual numerical disparity between my ends.) So, when I don't take your hour long call in the middle of the day, don't be offended or think that I should answer because I am sitting home doing nothing. That's insulting. My part time work is still time consuming and my search for a new gig is also time consuming. I probably work just as hard as you most days except that my commute is shorter and my coworkers (the dog and the plants) are more pleasant. 

5- There are things that I can only tell Jesus. There are parts of my life that are open to anyone who inquires. There are other parts that I can only tell Jesus. I often wish I could share these things with someone at the end of the day, just to have a human being share the load. I have my own things in the Jesus Only box and I have other people's hurts, cares, concerns and deep secrets in the Jesus Only box. My heart is full of love and breaks open in prayer every day. These are the things that I can only tell Jesus. What you see is indeed what you get but what you see is not all there is. There are things that I can only tell Jesus. 

These are just some of the things I wish people understood...