I Am Changing

     Perhaps you have seen the movie (or if you are old enough, the Broadway Musical featuring Sheryl Lee Ralph, Loretta Devine, Vondie Curtis-Hall and Obba Babatunde) featuring the song entitled "I Am Changing." Whether you experienced this powerful song as sung on stage by Jennifer Holliday or on the big screen sung by Jennifer Hudson, I can not imagine anyone hearing this song and not feeling some connection to the chanteuse as she pulls from the depths of her soul. She declares that she is changing. She is not looking for anyone else to change. She does not need a change in her circumstances. She is going to be the change that she wants to see in her world.  She is going to stop being a bratty diva and she is going to be a more authentic Effie. (Confession for my Obama fans: I just typed and deleted "Now that's a change you can believe in" three times! Ha! Ha! Since it is in parentheses, it doesn't count.)

    I will not spoil the plot for the few who may not have experienced this powerful moment in the Dreamgirls story but I will simply ask this: Are you ready for a change?  Sometimes, we say that we want to change but it is simply too difficult.  It seems to me that the difficulty lies not in the change but in fighting the gravitational pull  of staying the same. Of course it is difficult to change if we continue to do the same silly things day after day. In another blog entry, which is currently in the draft stage, I will tell you about my catalyst for change. For today, I'm asking you to celebrate with me because the good news is that once you choose to make one small change, there is a ripple effect (I don't like dominoes because they fall down and I'd rather not fall if I have the option).  One small change leads to another and then another and before you know it, you have done the impossible - you have made the change that you wanted to see.

      My change is the move from wanting to be a published writer to actually being a published writer. I tend to forget that I do have a sermon and an essay published in  Dr. Cleophus J. LaRue's book, This is My Story: Testimonies and Sermons of Black Women in Ministry. (My blog, my shameless plug!) As a good friend said when the book was published, "The hard part is done. You've been published once and the first time is the hardest. Now, all you have to do is continue!" Continue? Was he crazy? I wrote those pieces like any other assignment while I was a full time graduate student. I don't have time for dreams anymore because I have to make a living and I can't do that while writing. I did not believe that I would ever have the time to pursue my dream. Now, I have more time than I care to manage - but I am using it to write. I write in the mornings. I write after and often during lunch. I write before my daughter comes home from school. I write before going to bed. When I am tired of writing, I read. I read the works of those who were bold enough to follow their heart and talent. I read the bible, I read everything Stephanie Meyer publishes, I read blogs, I read magazines. I read what I have written and sometimes I actually like it. I have always been a reader, but now, following Effie's lead, I am changing. I am a writer. I did not believe that I could make money by writing, but that belief is changing as well!
     There will be more exciting news for us to celebrate in the near future as I continue to embrace and engage my change. The question remains - are you ready to change? What do you require to make the change that your dreams require? The lyrics of the song make it plain that although Effie and I and (insert your name here) are changing - we can not do it alone.  We need help and we need to help one another. We need a hand and we need to get started. I must pause here to thank those who have given me a hand -  a word of encouragement, a critical view of my work, a meal at a real restaurant or the blessing of childcare so that I can pursue this dream. When you are ready, I will take my hands off of the keyboard and extend them to help you as well.  We are changing!

     If you are viewing this blog post on your phone or a restrictive server, you will not see the video of Jennifer Hudson singing this marvelous song, so for your benefit, here are the lyrics.  I recommend that you use them for inspiration to make a small change today! Be blessed!


Look at me/Look at me
I am Changing / Trying every way I can
I am changing / I'll be better than I am
I'm trying / To find a way
to understand / but I need you
I need you / I need a hand

I am changing / Seeing everything so clear
I am changing / I'm gonna start right now right here
I'm hoping / To work it out and I know that I can

But I need you / I need a hand

All of my life / I been a fool
who said I could do it all alone
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dark nights have I known?

Walking down that long road
there was nothing I could find
All these years of darkness
Can make a person blind

But now I can see
I am changing / Trying every way I can
I am changing / Ill be better than I Am

But I need a friend / to help me start / all over again

That will be just fine
I know its gonna work out this time
Cause this time I am
This time I am
I am Changing / Ill get my life together now
I am changing / Yes, I know how
Im gonna start again / Im gonna leave my past behind
Ill change my life / Ill make a vow
And nothings gonna stop
me
now