What (What) Would I Do If I Could Feel

     Last week, it rained in central New Jersey. I don't mean a gentle summer shower. Last week, those raindrops fell with determination! As the storm passed overhead and I heard the fat raindrops falling on the roof of my car, I decided to do something I had not done in a long time. I stuck my arm out of the window and felt each huge raindrop as it splattered onto my arm.  I realized in that moment that there is a specific beauty in the incarnation that is this particular brown body of mine.  There is no strange fruit here but rather limbs that move at my discretion.  There is a brain that connects impulses to actions -like putting my arm out of the window of a moving vehicle for the sake of feeling raindrops on my warm skin. I have a heart that beats without any conscious thought on my part.  There is a set of eyes that may appear to be slightly crossed when I am tired and a mouth that sometimes runs with the force of the mighty Mississippi but that same mouth can also bend into a smile that overflows its own banks...just like the mighty Mississippi. Forget the anatomy lesson for a moment and realize that in this moment, right where you are, you can feel. You have been created with the capacity to feel - physical sensations like hot and cold; emotions like happiness or hurt; inexplicable sensations like searing pain and exquisite joy; and if you are a preacher in what is known as the "Black Church" tradition....on a good preaching day, you can feel "your help coming on"!

    We take feeling for granted, don't we? We are privileged to be able to feel like we do. As those divine water balloons crash landed onto my forearm, I heard my childhood friend Cheri singing the words of Nipsey Russell's Tin Man, "What,what would I do-o-o (if I could feel)?" In that moment, I realized that I didn't have the Tin Man's dilemma and yet I needed to ask the question just to remind myself of how fabulous it is to be able to feel!  I don't know what it is like to feel nothing. I have known numbness, but even numbness has a palpable weight to it. I would have to stretch my imagination to its limits to figure out what I would do if I could feel after a lifetime of feeling only the desire to have feelings.

    That's too much work! I would rather turn cartwheels in the neatly raked pile of feelings that I do have!  If  I could feel...and I can feel...I would feel...and I do feel deeply, passionately, and fully...at every opportunity. It makes you nervous, I'm sure, but trust me, I love being able to plunge into the depths of whatever I'm feeling because it is as if I have a bungee cord that pulls me back up into a space of safe reflection on the feelings!  If it gets too hectic, I can always retreat to the Porgy and Bess feeling of suuuu-mmer-tiiiiiime....when the living is eeeeeeeeasyyyyyy! The feeling that I am talking about is simply feeling with absolute abandon. It is the way we felt things before we learned to control our feelings and manage our emotions. (Can't remember back that far? Hang out with a two year old and it will all come rushing back to you!)

     Of course, feeling on such an intense level occasionally reduces me to tears but that is how the human body was designed. We are so accustomed to controlling our feelings for the sake of being professional or appropriate (and there is nothing wrong with that) that we forget how to feel when those restraints are lifted. The Tin Man considered carefully what he would do if he could feel because he only knew a life devoid of feelings. He asks, "What, what would I do if I could feeeeeeeeeeel?" "What would I do if I could reach inside of me/and to know how it feels/to say I like what I see? Then I'd be more/than glad to share/all that I have inside of here/ and the songs/my heart might bring/you'd be more/than glad to sing/and if tears should fall from my eyes/just think of all the wounds/they could mend/And just think of all the time/I could spend/just being vulnerable again..."

     That's all I am trying to say to you today. Take a break from the numbness and just feel.

Flip vulnerability on its head  and appreciate that level of raised awareness that is vulnerability.

Let your heart feel compassion for someone you don't particularly like.

Feel the oppressive heat of a Jersey July and put it in a safe place to warm you later as you shovel that cold December snow!

Let your arms feel the warmth of a loved one's embrace for just a little while longer today.

Let yourself feel that sadness in your broken heart...and then let yourself feel the weight of that sadness being lifted one prayer at a time.

Let yourself feel the joy of eating soft-serve ice cream...with sprinkles!

Feel the water splash on your body as you bathe away the sweat and grime and stress of a late July afternoon. 

Let yourself be free to feel something fully and completely just for today.
So tell me, "What, what would you do-o-o if you could feel?"

I'm with the Tin Man...I'm reaching inside of me and knowing how it feels to say, "I like what I see!"

May you FEEL the peace that passes all understanding....today and everyday!
Shalom!

(PS - if you must read this on a mobile device, please come back and enjoy the video later!This is a classic!)