Betrayal

She speaks to me and 

She hears me when I speak

She knows my heart and my thoughts

She is my closest ally most times

There are days though,

when she abandons me

I do not know where she goes

I do not know who she meets in 

her secret

clandestine meetings

without me

I do not have any trace of her

only memories of fun times together

I remember and cling 

desperately

breathlessly

because it is all I know 

I do not know if she knows

how it hurts when she leaves

I do not know if she realizes

that I ache when she is gone

 I lose all orientation

I lose my will to live

because without her 

I cannot think and 

I can barely breathe

and there is no life of the mind

when there is no mind

She knows all of my secrets

I wonder if she is telling them

In her absence, I wonder

 if I am telling them

by accident

without her as my guardian

She guards my mouth 

and when she is absent

 who knows what i will say

to the careless listener

who is rendered speechless

in the presence of

the revelation of

the life of my  mind

which is now gone again

I trust her with all

of my thoughts

all of my wandering

traipsing

lilting

running

thoughts

I love her but she betrays me

she leaves me

she leaves no number

I cannot find her

And I need her so

Sometimes

She returns and we

come together again

and then we fall

into our rhythms again

 the rhythm of clear thought

the release of clinging

the release of anxiety

for with her,

I am safe again

She is me 

and I am she

but my mind is a wild thing

incapable of commitment

only brilliant flashes

and moments of grandeur

and winged feet

that carry her away

leaving me feeling

like even the life of my mind

is suicidal

Reverendsister's Ink (c) 2013

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