Napping in Psalm 91

(I wrote this a while back and I like it...hope you do too...)

I want to go back to bed now. Not because I am tired but because this stuff can't get me if I am sleeping. It can't wake me and it won't enter my dreams because there is at least one angel on guard with a flaming sword over my subconscious mind daring anything that looks like terror, arrows, pestilence and destruction to cross her path. Behind the sword and under the protective wings, I can find refuge and rest.

Normal people can take a nap and return to their normal lives. Those plagued by demons require consensus from 'the voices' to simply decide whether a nap is just a nap or if it is an escape from the overwhelming reality of everyday life lived under a cloud of darkness. Today is that day. I crave a nap but moreso, I crave the comfort of swaddling mself in the blankets and high thread count sheets. They will just cover me and welcome me in. They will not torture me with thoughts of what successful people do. They will not judge me for having a moment of weakness in a life where I must pretend to be strong and capable and able and available to those who also wear the mask but refuse to realize it and wreak havoc on all in the wake of their everyday masked actions. 

I need a nap because I am carrying other people's unmanaged stuff out of love and compassion but I am really about to just put it down by the door right next to my stuff and get in that bed and take a nap. It is not the siren call of the depressed soul that needs to escape. It is the welcome song of a resting place. Today the nap is my way of dwelling in the secret place of the Most High with the hopes that I will find rest under the shadow of the Almighty.  I need that to be true today. I can't think. I can't manage. I can't solve problems. I can't cry any more tears but I can find rest in the shadow of the Most High. I can take a nap and trust that when I wake, I will feel just a bit more capable. I will feel restored. I will feel balanced. I will emerge from the shadow ready for what awaits. For that, I am grateful...and sleep shall be peaceful.

Shalom!