apology to my gift

Oh, my gift! I have abandoned you. I have not watered you or given you any sunlight. I have neglected to commune with you. I have not pinned phrases to my heart nor have I been faithful to give you exercise and you have atrophied. I used to feed you delicacies and now I have starved you with drops of water and crumbs from the life that has captured me. I have chased the practical and exhausted myself to the point that you no longer make love to me in dreams. Sleep is no longer for dreams and clandestine meetings but to reset the overworked body that belongs to an artist. Where have the days gone? How can you still love me? You are still here! Atrophied, weary eyes tearing, barely breathing, blue for want of oxygen, cold, shivering and just looking at me with the look of one who has been abused and abandoned. I repent and beg your forgiveness.

Come, sit in my lap and let me feed you. Let me cut up fresh fruit and serve you from my fingertips. Let me make your cheeks fat and rosy again with the soul food of Aunt Toni and Aunt Alice and Mother Maya. Let me put Baldwin's balm on your bruises and let me love you back to life. I will wake with you again and lie with you and snuggle you again like I used to with pillow talk of Sweat, Mules and Spunk. I will look for you and listen for your faint voice. Close your sunken eyes and rest here in my breast. Let me breathe with you again until you remember the rhythm of our inhale and the pattern of our exhale. It won't be easy and I know I have to regain your trust but I promise, I remember how it used to be. I remember the promises I made. I left you behind to pursue...what? Work? That vampire! I'm working just enough for the city...not living, just working.

I love you and if you will allow me to return, I will be better. I will never forget my commitment to you. You have been faithful and I have been awful. Will you take me back? I want to do better. Let me love you. Let me show you how well I can love you again. Thank you for not leaving me. I love you.