vertigo - part one

Vertigo

Vertigo is my newest nemesis. If you have never experienced it, let me explain. Remember when you were little and you and a friend would hold hands and spin around and around at a dangerous speed until you couldn't stand anymore and you would fall onto the ground and watch the sky rock back and forth until it stopped? Fun, right? Yeah, well imagine that you're just on the ground watching the sky rock back and forth and it doesn't stop. That's not fun. But it is vertigo. It feels like the whole world has pulled you into its rotation and taken gravity out of the equation and so if you could float, you might feel relief, but in the meantime, you're just disoriented and dizzy. Oh, and it feels like your head is a Magic * Ball that shows the answer in your eyes. The little answer thingie reads: Reply hazy, try again or Outlook not so good right now.

I had my first blind date with vertigo over 10 years ago and all I remember is that one minute I was standing and the next, I was falling to the ground a little at a time. First standing. Then sitting. Then collapsed on the couch and finally rolled onto the floor but there was no relief to be found. The EMT came to take me off to Monmouth Medical Center where they gave me some drugs that made me sleepy and in a little while, I was fine for another 7 years. On and off every now and then just seemingly out of nowhere, the dizziness comes and if I catch it in time, 2 little yellow tablets of Dramamine should allow me to remain on my feet. Like most diseases, this seems to have studied me and found my weakness and now, vertigo can now take me down like David's smooth stone to Goliath's head. Now, vertigo doesn't respond to the medication quickly. Now, vertigo sends me to the ER where I get oxygen, an IV and the good drugs. Now, vertigo wakes me from a sound sleep into a spinning wakefulness. This will not do.

It used to be polite and follow the rules of engagement. Now, it seems to have gone Rogue! It hits when it wants. Even in the midst of a deep sleep! I've had every test that my doctor can think of. On Monday, we will discuss the results of this most recent test - that made me sicker than I have ever been! It made e dizzy, nauseous, and it gave me a headache. I wonder if this is God's way of reminding me that I am not in control and I need to trust. Hmm...we shall see. Vertigo will not have the final word!